


Stanley Uris's Diary ((Satire))

by Foxy_Hamada



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: F/M, M/M, pretty pointless, shits and giggles, very gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-02-28 04:27:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13263672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foxy_Hamada/pseuds/Foxy_Hamada
Summary: After eight long years, Stanley finally becomes a psychiatrist. And then it basically goes to shit a few days after. Maybe he's not cut out for this sort of work after all- Maybe.





	1. Shit presumably hits the fan

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, my first work and it's already pretty stupid. Anyway, most of this isn't going to be very serious, so. I mean, I'm going to have relationships in this and have those be serious ((Well, as serious as you can get I guess)), but it's mostly being made for shits and giggles. I went on one of those plot generators from the internet and this is the story plot it shat out. I hope you like my very first post on the very first day I'm here lol  
> If I don't spell something right or fuck up something reeeeally bad, please pardon my English   
> I hope you all like it :)

Stanley sat at his desk, his hands clasped above his chest as his client spilled out every last secret they had. It was...intriguing, to say the least. The client’s time was up, and they left bawling still, shaking Stanley’s hand and saying “Thank you Mr. Uris,  _ thank you- _ ” They left all misty eyed, and Stanley felt satisfied with himself, regardless the fact he hadn’t actually done anything yet. He stood in the waiting room and waved them off.  _ Come in three times in a row and I can prescribe medicine. _ He remembered himself saying when the client first came in. He was told to say that to every client who seemed to need medicine. It’ll get old soon, he knew, and soon enough he’d most likely be saying that to every new person he met. _ Oh boy, this is going to be one hell of a job.  _

“You’ve got a new client, Mr. Uris.” A voice rang, one he vaguely put a name with. He turned around to see who had spoken to him. He looked at the name tag.  _ Beverly Marsh, huh? I’ll have to remember that.  _ Beverly smiled at him. “Or, you will have one…” She was still holding the phone, but covering the speaker. He then realized someone was trying to schedule an appointment. Stanley reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small schedule book. It already had a pen in it. “I could get them in on Wednesday at two. What was the name of the client?” Beverly uncovered the speaker and lifted it up to her ear again, saying that there was an opening on Wednesday at two, and then asked for a name. There was a pause, then she had said she’d pass along the information. She hung up the phone, then said, “Bill Denbrough. He sounds like a real handful. Good luck.” Stanley felt uncomfortable by her tone of voice. He wrote down the name in his book, then put it back into his pocket. “I’m sure it’s nothing I can’t fix.” He straightened up a bit, then walked back to his office. He was done seeing clients for the day, but he promised he stay back and do some extra work, which was just filling out some papers and what not. It wasn’t anything too important. 

Wednesday rolled around very slowly- As the week was filled with mostly new clients, most of them being children who seemed to be afraid of Stanley because of how pale he was; Some even claimed him to be a vampire- but surely, leading up to a meeting with a fellow named Bill Denbrough. He hoped it wasn’t another kid, or if it was, it wouldn’t be one who would shout and call him a vampire, or say they didn’t feel safe around him and when they had the blood sucked out of them it would be said parents fault. Stanley was beginning to think he wasn’t cut out for this type of work. He shook his head thoughtfully, then when two o'clock rolled around, he strolled out of his office. He tried to seem casual and not worn out. He just started for god’s sake, and he was already tired. He came face to face with two boys; One of them was very small, he couldn’t have been any taller that 5’4, with long hair kept back with a headband. He had green-blue eyes ((although one looked a tad greener than the other)) and many freckles. He looked impatient and childlike, and Stanley thought,  _ Oh, so this is the kid I’m dealing with.  _ The other boy was much taller, and he had short, red hair with long bangs and blue eyes. He looked annoyed. He went over to greet them, but before he could say anything, the shorter boy sprang up. “Oh thank god, look Bill! You got a handsome psychiatrist.” The shorter boy looked Stanley up and down for a moment. “I hope you’re gay enough to fall in love with this guy.” He said, planting his hands on his hips. “Shut up Eddie.” The taller boy, now Stanley knew was Bill, said. Eddie shook his head. “I hope you can help him. He’s gone mad.” He offered a small and forced smile. “For the love of god Eddie, I’m not crazy. I don’t even know why you signed me up for this.” Stanley heard Beverly’s muffled laughter. She then cleared her throat and said, “You ought to take these two back to your office. You’re not getting anywhere in the waiting room Uris.” She gave him a sharp but friendly look. She’d stopped calling him Mr. Uris and had settled for just Uris, and why she did was unknown. Stanley nodded, then motioned the two back into his office. He opened the door and let them in first, letting out a long sigh before going in after. He cleared his throat, but before he could say anything, Eddie cut him off. “I’m not related to Bill, but I might as well be. I might as well be his dad or something. Anyway, I know he needs medicine. I know a thing or two about that sort of stuff.” He leaned in when he said the last part. Stanley raised his eyebrows. “I see...Well, there are some things you need to sign- Mostly just stuff saying I can prescribe medicine.” Eddie eagerly signed the papers while Bill looked annoyed. “I hope you can help him.” Eddie said again. “He’s learned all sorts of evil things from wherever the hell he was in Europe. He’s a brute.” Stanley felt a little uncomfortable, but shrugged it off. And that was the first day. They left with no hassle, and Stanley moved on with his day and his clients. His next client was one he’d had for a while now; Richie Tozier. Richie was one of his only adult clients, and honestly? He was a good guy. A great guy. He was just troubled, and he didn’t have anyone to talk to. He was one of the clients he really looked forward to seeing each day. Stanley stopped considering Richie his client, and rather his friend- That was a nice feeling. Probably made Richie feel better too. Before Stanley got up from his chair, the door of his office flew up. Lo and behold, it was Richie on the other side. “Hey there Crackerjack! How’s it hangin’?” Richie asked enthusiastically. Stanley smiled and shook his head a little. “I didn’t even get up from my seat and you’re already here. I didn’t think you could do that. And my, you’re awful happy today.” Richie closed the door and sat down on the couch, crossing his legs and folding his hands atop his knees. “Oh yes, why I am,” He said in a high pitched voice. “I got here early because I had nothing to do. I figured you wouldn’t have a client when I came. Beautiful Miss Marsh out there let me go in. She told me that you just had clients leave.” Stanley chuckled to himself, turning to face Richie. “So, you’re just- Happy for no reason?” Richie adjusted himself so he was sitting like a normal person. “Well, not for ‘no reason’. I’m sure glad I got here early. I saw the cutest boy on the way in. He wasn’t really the chatty type.” He stopped smiling for a moment. “I’m serious, Stan. That boy was drop dead gorgeous. I’ve never felt more gay in my entire life.” Stanley laughed again. “Oh, I think I know who you’re talking about. Was he short with long hair? And one of his eyes was a bit greener than the other?” Richie’s grin returned to his face. “Yeah, that’s him. Say, what was his name, eh? You’re allowed to tell me that, right?” Stanley sort of shrugged. “Well, yes- But I don’t think I’m allowed to tell you here. Which brings me to my newest point, or, it’s something I’ve been thinking about; You’re paying to just talk to me, you know, like a normal person. You shouldn’t have to do that. I can give you my phone number, and I can just talk to you for free.” Richie raised his eyebrows. “Sounds good to me.” He pulled out his phone and let Stanley put in his number. “I’m definitely saving you in my contacts as Crackerjack.” Richie said, giggling to himself. Soon enough Richie’s session was over, and Stanley moved on to his other clients, then went home. He was tired, but not as tired as he probably should have been. 

Stanley got Thursdays off, and he had been texting Richie for a while. He promised to hang out with him today- So they went to the most stereotypical hangout in about every book: A coffee shop. It was sort of small but cozy; A perfect hangout spot. There were couches and chairs, it was basically a house. A lot of people went in there just to sit. It was...very stereotypical. So, Richie and Stanley were just being stereotypical when suddenly a shady looking man came in. “Look at that shadester,”

Richie said, jerking a thumb in the man’s direction. “Be nice Richie.” Stanley said quietly. Stanley ran a hand through his curly black hair. It needed to be trimmed. The guy seemed to hear what Richie said and turned to face them. “You know what Richie, I need-” Stanley began, but was then cut off sharply but the man. “Shadster huh?” He said in a deep, raspy voice. He pointed at Stanley and said, “Was it you? I swear to god,” He wasted no time and rushed at him. He pulled out a knife from his pocket. “What the fuck?” Richie said loudly. Stanley ignored him and half stumbled from his seat to avoid from being stabbed. The guy looked angry, and for basically no reason even. Richie had sprung up from his seat. “Shit dude, calm down!” He went over to help Stanley but was pushed back by someone. He didn’t see who it was, and he wasn’t sure he really cared because, well, he seemed to want to help Stanley. Whoever it was had pulled the shady man off of Stanley and told him to “Get lost, what, did you think you could get away with this in public you stupid fucker?” In short, the whole ordeal was over just as fast as it started; The police came and arrested the guy, and everyone went back to what they were doing. Stanley was helped to his feet by the person who’d saved him. Stanley looked over to see who it was, and it was none other than Bill Denbrough. “You alright?” He asked. “Haircut…” Stanley choked out in response. Bill looked confused. “That’s what I was going to say, Richie. You know what Richie, I need a haircut.” Richie sort of scrunched up his nose. “A haircut? Really?  _ That’s  _ what you’re worried about?” Stanley sort of shook his head. “This happened all to fast.” Richie sat still for a moment, then nodded his head. “Yeah, it’s sort of like the writer of this story just wanted to get the start of this blossoming romance.” Stanley and Bill looked at Richie for a moment. “That’s...oddly specific.” Bill said. Stanley took a deep breath and looked as if he was going to say something, but stopped himself. He turned to Bill. “Well, thank you for saving me. That guy was batshit crazy.” Bill smiled at him and nodded. “Yeah, what a nutcase.” He sighed. “I came in here to get coffee, but I feel awkward doing so now. How am I going to explain this to Eddie? He’ll throw a fit.” Richie piped up, getting awkwardly close to Bill. “Eddieeee?” He put on a strange grin. “Eddie as in a short boy with long hair and dreamy eyes?” He clasped his hands together and batted his eyes. ((When Richie and Stanley were being stereotypical, Stanley had mentioned Eddie without thinking)) Bill stared at him for a long while and then said, “Oh wait, I remember you- You started hitting on Eddie.” He grinned. “I’d never seen him blush that hard before.” Richie giggled to himself. “I wanna see him. I wanna hit on him more.” Bill sort of narrowed his eyes, but he was still smiling. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”  


	2. Something I forgot to add

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay I forgot to add the plot that the generator shat out so I'll put that here for this chapter ((In case anyone is curious))

https://the-mike-schmidt.deviantart.com/art/The-most-beautiful-story-plot-723921473?ga_submit_new=10%3A1515157869

Because I'm an idiot and don't know how to work picture options, here's a link to it 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this clears anything up?


	3. The paper with the answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stanley finally goes and gets that haircut/trim he needs, and brings Richie with him. Richie is upset by Henry for "seemingly no reason". Richie does something stupid with a piece of paper.

Richie literally waltzed out of the coffee shop beside Bill, Stanley shyly following behind. He only followed Richie because he didn’t want him to think he’d left without him, not that Richie would really want to hang around him while getting a haircut. As soon as Richie had reached Eddie there was an audible groan, followed by an awkward exchange of words Stanley didn’t bother listening to. Bill had fallen back to Stanley’s side, looking at him intently. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked softly, actual concern clouding his eyes. Stanley said nothing at first and cleared his throat. “Y-Yeah. I’m just fine.” He tried to give an earnest smile. Bill was obviously not convinced. “You almost got stabbed. That’s sort of traumatizing, you know? Will you still be able to help people when you’re upset yourself?” Stanley blinked rapidly a few times. He’d forgotten completely about work. He muttered an  _ awe shit _ to himself, looking down at the ground. Bill looked back to Richie leaning on the door of Eddie’s car talking to him with the most shit-eating grin he’d even seen. Despite the fact Eddie was clearly annoyed, he was smiling anyway. “You know I’m not crazy, right?” Bill said suddenly, turning back to Stanley. “Eddie thinks I am, and it’s all because of my work. Do  _ you  _ think I’m crazy?” He shook his head sadly. Stanley sort of shrugged his shoulders. “Well, I don’t know if you are. It’s my job to find out if you are, after all.” Bill didn’t look satisfied with the answer he got, but nodded anyway. “Well, Bill, I’ll see you on Tuesday. We can talk more there.” Bill, again, didn’t look satisfied with that answer at all. He grumbled something under his breath and walked over to the car. “Come on Richie!” Stanley then called, motioning him forward. “I’m sure this isn’t the last time you’ll see Eddie.” Richie frowned for a moment, the looked back at Eddie and whispered one last thing before he left. Whatever he said made Eddie’s entire face flush red. Stanley wasn’t sure he  _ wanted _ to know what was said. He didn’t ask, and they went on over to the barber shop. Stanley actually liked going there so he could see his barber Henry Bowers. Yes, Henry used to be a pretty bitter kid ((He wasn’t ever directly mean to Stanley though, thank god)), but now he was a pretty pleasant individual. Henry greeted the two, and Richie had automatically taken a disliking to him. So Stanley got his hair cut ((Or trimmed I guess)) while Richie pouted in the corner, barely reading the magazine he so desperately pretended to read. Henry and Stanley had a brief conversation that went something like this:

“So Stan, how’s that psychiatrist stuff going?”

“Eh, I guess it’s alright. Most of my clients are kids that think I’m a vampire. I’ve got like, two adult patients.”

Henry laughs. 

“Well, one of them doesn’t see me anymore, because he doesn’t need to. The other one apparently learned violent stuff in Europe.”

“Sounds dangerous. Shouldn’t you tell the police about that or something?”

“I don’t know. If he tries to attack me I guess I will. I don’t think I’ll have a choice then anyway. But I don’t think he’d do that.”

“Whatever you say Stan. But I’d still be weary.” 

Stanley paid and then he and Richie left. All in all, it was a pretty normal day excluding the part where Stanley almost got stabbed. “Why didn’t you like Henry? You didn’t even talk to him.” Stanley asked as the two got into his car. “I dunno. Actually, I do know, but I’m gonna pretend like I don’t to build up suspense for later. That and I want to say, ‘I told you so’ when something happens with him.” Richie crossed his arms. Stanley raised his eyebrows. “Uh, you mind being a little bit more specific?” Richie seemed to ignore him, but then he rolled his eyes and reached into the pocket of his jeans. He pulled out a surprisingly neatly folded piece of blueish paper and unfolded it, adjusting his glasses and running his right index finger down to the bottom of the paper. “According to the plot of this story, Henry is a violent hairdresser that gets in between you and Bill.” Stanley sat perfectly still for about five seconds, the slowly shook his head. “Uh, what? Actually, nevermind. If this...plot of yours is really supposed to be happening, does it say anything about you and Eddie hooking up?” Richie looked half annoyed and folded the paper back up, slipping it carefully into his pocket. “No. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t get some, if you know what I mean.” 

“I swear to god Richie, one day I’m going to just push you out of this car.” 


	4. First day of therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill finally talks to Stanley alone, and they bring up some things from the past. Bill begins to stutter a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, Pennywise exists in this story and he still killed Georgie, so basically this is IT but if the characters weren't all friends as kids((?)) They all went to the same school in Derry, but they weren't all friends ((Except Bill and Eddie))

**** Stanley leaned back into his chair. His appointments weren’t going the smoothest that week, but today was relatively calm. It was a day Bill actually came in.  _ Hopefully, I can get something out of him and put Eddie’s mind at ease. He seems nice enough.  _ He went out of his office to go tell Bill it was his turn, and they walked back wordlessly. Stanley sat down and looked at Bill for a moment. Before he could say anything, Bill said, “Did you really get over almost getting stabbed already?” He smiled genuinely. “You’re so calm. I’m jealous.” Stanley found himself smiling at the compliment. “Why thank you. Anyway, let’s stop talking about me.” He stared intently at Bill. “Now, why are you here?” Bill leaned back into the couch, tilting his head up. He was obviously bored. “Oh, I don’t know. I’m not crazy.” Stanley put his fingertips together. “Well...If you’re not crazy, then, is there anything that bothers you? Or, you know, anything that keeps you up at night?” Bill looked at Stanley for a moment. “Well sure. Doesn’t everyone have thoughts like that?” 

“If you’re not crazy, you might as well talk about those. Eddie isn’t paying money for you to just sit in here. Why don’t you tell me about the one that bothers you the most?” Bill sat upright and sort of half glared at Stanley. He sort of mumbled to himself. “My brother.” 

“Pardon?”

“My  _ brother _ .” Bill said it almost urgently, as if it was some sort of secret that would save humanity. “Alright, what about your brother?” Bill slumped over and looked at the ground thoughtfully. “He was playing outsuh-side, out in the ruh-rain. Rain in Duh-Derry was bad. He had his buh-boat, he chased it to a sew-sewer-” He stopped and hugged himself. Stanley looked at him thoughtfully.  _ That stutter is familiar to me. Should I…? _

“Derry? Like, Derry Maine?” 

“Mmhm. Huh-Horrible Derry Muh-Muh-Maine.” 

“I used to go to school there.” 

Bill looked up at him for a moment. He was on the brink of tears. “Yuh-You  _ went  _ there? Wait, are you- That Jewish kid who was huh-held buh-back because of sickness?” Stanley sort of bit back a smart remark. Kids weren’t usually mean to him, but when they were, it was always either because he was Jewish or because he was held back. He’d started snapping at anyone who asked, even if they meant well. He took a deep breath. “Yes, that’s me.” Bill suddenly smiled, regardless the fact he still looked as if he was going to burst out into tears. “Well I’ll be damned. I always fuh-fuh-felt bad for you, yuh-you know?” He then scoffed at himself. “Damn stuh-stuh-stuh-” Bill stopped and closed his eyes. “Stutter.” He leaned back into the couch again, although this time he wasn’t doing it out of pure boredom. He looked overwhelmed. “You always had a stutter, Bill.” Stanley smiled. “Now I’m talking to you, Stuttering Bill.  _ Everyone _ knew about you.” Bill offered a small smile. “I….Well, I didn’t know as much as everyone else did about you. I knew, something happened to your brother...But no one ever actually told me, and so many people acted so differently. I never found out what happened.” Bill’s smile faded away from him. “Oh, yeah...Whuh-Where was I, thuh-then?” He took a very deep breath and stayed silent for a long while. “Sewer grate. The buh-boat floated over to it, and huh-he chased it. It went into the suh-suh-sewer, and he tried to get it buh-back.” He shook his head. Suddenly his sadness turned into anger. “He wuh-was to young to know. That clown. That damned cluh-cluh-clown  _ took  _ him,” Stanley frowned. “A clown?” Bill clenched his fists so hard his knuckles turned white. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, but it didn’t seem to really do anything for him. “What do you think the clown was doing in the sewer? Who was this clown? Do...Do you know?” Stanley asked carefully. Bill’s fists unclenched suddenly and his eyes flew open, still burning with pure rage. “Bob Grey! Bob Grey, or, as me and Georgie knew him...Pennywise, The Dancing Clown.” He said it with such anger that it startled Stanley.  _ Pennywise? That sounds familiar too.  _ “Puh-Pennywise, he wasn’t even a clown!” Bill continued. “He was a shapeshifter, a duh-damn shuh-shuh-shuh-shapeshifter! The fuh-fucker took my bruh-brother! He was a cluh-clown when he tuh-took him...But Puh-Pennywise was  _ no clown. _ ” Stanley clasped his hands together and looked a Bill thoughtfully.  _ That’s crazy. Horrible, horrible and crazy. a shapeshifter? Well, maybe that would explain...her.  _ “Yuh-You probably think I’m crazy, just luh-like Eddie said, eh? You’re puh-paid to tell me that I’m nuh-not  _ crazy _ , and that I’m juh-just  _ troubled _ . Buh-But I swear, that thing was  _ real _ . It’s ruh-real and it tuh-took Georgie!” Stanley sat silently, trying to piece everything together.  _ A shapeshifter. She was a shapeshifter. Mrs Flute Lady.  _ He shuttered a little.  _ Flute Lady  _ was  _ a shapeshifter. Maybe Flute Lady was also this Pennywise. But Flute Lady was, well, a lady. A pregnant lady.  _ “I never said I didn’t believe you.” Stanley sighed. “When I was in Derry, I came in contact with a shapeshifter-”

“So you know! So you know Puh-Puh-Puh-Pennywise too? Juh-Gee, I wuh-wish you’d told me thuh-that when we were kuh-kids!” There was a certain spark in Bill’s eyes, one that was...strange and maybe even hopeful.  _ Pennywise was a girl. She ate kids because she needed to feed her baby. She’s not all evil. She’s the last of a dying race. Should I...tell him that?  _ “Well Bill, it’s about that time. Uh, I’ll see you next week. We’ll talk more then, alright?” Bill looked a little stunned, then nodded. “Yeah. I’ll see you then.” Bill and Stanley walked out together, and then Bill had walked out to Eddie’s car and they left. That, at least, was normal. “You don’t look so hot Uris. Did he get to you?” Beverly asked suddenly. She looked genuinely concerned. “Oh. Uh, just talking about a particularly frightening occurrence that I happen to sort of relate too.” He went back into his office right after that, giving Beverly no time to respond.  _ Holy mother of fucking Jesus. If I told him what I know, will that even help him? Will it help at all? _


	5. The short, unrelated Reddie chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie goes to see his "beloved" Eddie at a strange and very questionable time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since Reddie is popular and I haven't updated this in a while, I thought I'd add this as filler lol  
> Also, Eddie lives in an upstairs apartment. I imagine them looking like the Oakmont Apartments, pool and all. I'm pretty sure this will be important later in the story.  
> http://www.oakmontapts.net -In case anyone's curious

Richie stood at the door, anxiously tapping his foot. He’d coaxed Eddie into giving him his phone number, and then started pestering him constantly for his address. Eddie, of course, caved in. So, naturally, Richie went right over to Eddie’s apartment as soon as he could. However, no one had answered the door yet. Richie felt a tad bit of frustration.  _ Is Eddie ignoring me? He seemed to always be so punctual.  _ He went to knock again, but then the door opened. Eddie was standing in the door looking very tired. He looked up at Richie and squinted, then rubbed his eyes. “Richie?” He yawned loudly. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I’m here to see you, duh.”

“At six in the morning?” 

Richie nodded eagerly. “I hang out with Stan a lot you know. I don’t want to keep him waiting. This is the only time I think I’ll be able to see you, for today.” Eddie looked at him for a long while, then stepped aside. “Well, if you’re gonna talk, come inside. It’s cold out and you might get sick.” Richie walked inside and sort of took a deep breath, stretching his arms out. Eddie closed the door and sat there for a moment, leaning on it. He was trying not to fall back to sleep. “If you didn’t have any other time to see me today...Why didn’t you just come back tomorrow or something…?” He yawned again. “Well, I wanted to see you as soon as I could. Besides, I thought you were the kind of person to wake up at the ass crack of dawn and keep everyone  _ else  _ up.” Richie found the sofa and sat down on it. “I don’t live with anyone.” Eddie said as he went over to the sofa as well. “Bill lives below me.” Richie sort of smiled to himself and nodded. “Well, sorry for waking you up, I guess. I really thought you’d be up by now.” Eddie looked at Richie for a long while, then rested his head on his shoulder. “Stop apologizing, you’re putting me to sleep.” 


End file.
